I live to let you shine
by Plinkoid
Summary: Sometimes it doesn't matter that others don't understand how you feel.  You just need one person.


**I live to let you shine**

The two boys had never appeared very close.

From an outsider's point of view they hardly seemed _inseparable_.

They rarely exchanged words nor spent time together all by themselves. They went through different hardships and didn't ask the other for support nor help. They didn't sleep over at each other's houses and didn't exchange gifts on holidays. Although they were in the same group of close-knit friends, others identified them as friends of friends and not as true friends.

It was true that the first boy had another friend with which he truly was inseparable; from that intimate bond they shared onlookers guessed the first boy didn't consider the _other_ boy as a close friend. That other boy was very secretive and was often seen by himself; people judged him as someone who preferred to not make close bonds with other kids his age and therefore couldn't be friends with the first boy.

Their parents thought they had been mismatched and didn't think much of the time they spent together for they were assured they would grow apart.

Not even the other members of their group thought much of the seemingly non-existent bond between the two of them.

No one was aware of the importance one accorded to the other and vice versa.

Boy A had always secretly admired Boy B. He perceived him as someone who radiated perseverance and innocence. He loved the way his eyes dazzled and the way his lips were always upturned. He never went to him for help because the mere sight of him lifted his spirits. For a very long time Boy A had felt a very deep emotional connection with Boy B and never dared to spoil it with wasteful words. He only chanced a quick peek at his laughing eyes from time to time while no one was watching to try to convey his sentiments for the second boy. He had been too intimidated by his feelings to express his affection and so he never did. He admired him from afar and cherished the few moments they spent by themselves. He was very much in love.

Boy B had always been infatuated with Boy A. His outbursts of anger and his constant stubbornness made his stomach fill with butterflies. He was satisfied with the little words they shared because he never had liked words. Their exchanged glances and muted laughter had been enough to make him happy throughout the years. Boy A didn't need to tell or show him he cared, he could sense it. And so Boy B never questioned the other boy's motives or desires and always followed him from a distance, letting the boy live his life without interfering much. He never told the first boy about his grand feelings for him because he had believed they were mutually understood. He was also very much in love.

And although everyone judged them as not being close, they both were on the same page.

Kyle Broflovski and Kenny McCormick both felt very deeply about each other and savoured life side by side, no matter what distance separated them.

So no one thought much of it when Kyle left for college without even a goodbye to the blonde who would be staying in South Park.

No one would have thought that Kyle hadn't invited Kenny to come with him in fear of rejection. No one would have thought that Kyle was planning on building up some courage while he was gone and returning to South Park and confess to his childhood love.

And no one thought much of the deepening of Kenny's silence when his friends had left him, nor did they notice that his once upturned lips were permanently sketched into a frown. No one knew that Kenny had been convinced that Kyle would ask him to go with him and that his heart had shattered when he hadn't.

Kyle completed his bachelor's degree in journalism in three years, not once returning home to South Park, unprepared to come face to face with the object of his affection.

As his studies came to an end he bought a proposal ring in hope of asking Kenny to be with him _forever_. He wasn't influenced by the three years they had spent apart, for never had they had any falling outs in their first twelve years of friendship, unlike all of his other friends. He was sure time wouldn't change the way things were. He wasn't afraid of taking too big a step, for he knew that if Kenny didn't reciprocate the deep love he felt for him, he never would.

As he spent three years in quaint solitude he acquired the maturity that he had been lacking. He no longer feared rejection; he knew that what he needed was finality. He had to come to terms with the relationship he had and the one he wanted to have with the one he loved.

When his family had travelled to his apartment for his graduation, he came out to them. Surprisingly, no one seemed shocked or disapproving. Feeling that everything was going according to plan, he had been filled with reassurance. As they questioned him on what his future plans were he admitted that he would need to go settle some things in South Park first.

He would ask Kenny to marry him, tell him they could go anywhere they wanted, stay or leave and live happily ever after.

That had been the plan.

He slept in his childhood bedroom on the first night, dreaming of his other half's smiling eyes. And on the following day he had departed for Kenny's childhood home in early afternoon in hopes of getting some information on where the blonde was now located.

He had been flabbergasted at how fantastic the house looked. It had become the opposite of what it was three years ago, when it had resembled a dump. Now it was clean, decorated and seemingly vibrant with life. He decided that was a good thing and was overjoyed with the fact that life was treating the family so well.

Knocking at the door, his surprise inflated at the sight of Carol McCormick. She seemed years younger than when he had last seen her. Her attire seemed expensive and he could have almost sworn the clothes were designer brand. She had opened the door with a cheerful expression, but was literally speechless at the sight of the young man standing in her doorway.

Recognition dawned after an awkward pause and she smiled sweetly at the man.

"You're that Broflovski boy aren't you? Oh my, you're all grown up!" she exclaimed warmly as she pinched one of his cheeks.

Embarrassed by her overwhelming happiness he rubbed sheepishly at his cheek.

"Hello Mrs. McCormick, I was just wondering if you could tell me where Kenny lives now," he asked as politely as he could.

Her face fell at the question and she looked at Kyle with a sad smile.

"When was the last time you spoke with Kenny?" she inquired in a sweet voice.

The redhead didn't feel any venom in the question but was intrigued as to why that was relevant.

"Graduation day Ma'am," he answered truthfully, albeit a little shamefully.

She nodded solemnly and opened the doorway for him to enter, "There's something you should know then."

The interior had been as impressive to the young man as the exterior had been. He glanced around gaping at the decoration that had never been there when he had been a kid. He noticed uneasily that Kenny didn't appear in any recent photographs of the seemingly happy family.

He took a seat on an expensive looking couch as he faced the one where the older woman sat with a solemn expression. He wasn't feeling as confident as he had the night before…

"The first year you boys all left… Kenny was unhappier than usual," she started in an understanding tone.

The man fisted his hands as he feared that something horrible had happened to his friend. He vaguely wondered how the family could seem so content if Kenny had… He didn't dare form the thought as he gulped down.

"And then one day," she paused as she recalled the memory with fondness, "he was scouted by a talent agent," she finished with a smile.

"W-what?" asked the redhead with a shocked expression.

"The man said he would be successful as a fashion model and so… He left."

He was at a loss for words for a few moments, his certainty crashing with no hope of coming back.

"… So where is he now?" he asked desperation tinting his words.

She was quiet for a while, observing the odd way her visitor was acting, "We don't know dear. We haven't seen him since. He must be doing well for himself though, every month he sends us some money."

Kyle assumed it was a little more than _some_ judging on how the house looked. Feeling his throat tighten he got up and left. Without a word. The same way he had left three years ago.

The rest of his day passed in a haze and soon enough he was lying in bed.

Tears welled in his eyes as he considered the possibility that he would never see the blond boy again. He cried himself to sleep as he witnessed the crumbling of his not so brilliant plan.

But Kyle Broflovski was stubborn. And although he had gone through a lot of growing up, he still foolishly followed whims.

The next day he had looked up Kenny's agency, relieved to see he didn't use another name, mapped the route, said goodbye and started driving to New York. It took more than an entire day to get there.

Tired and lost in the busy city, he had made his way to the agency. But he had faltered and never passed the door.

Kenny had been supposed to wait for him. He was supposed to be in sync with Kyle's emotions. The redhead thought that perhaps the other boy hadn't cared as he thought he had. Contemplating the amazing life the other seemed to live, Kyle decided that what was best for the poor boy made model was to continue with the successful life he lead.

Sitting on a bench in the hectic city he tried to come up with another plan.

Groping at the ring that was still resting in his pocket, he closed his eyes and wished it all away.

**X-x-X**

He appeared quite happy.

After all, every single person in the industry seemed to fall to his feet, why should anyone even question his happiness? His easy-going demeanour and flirtatious eyes assured his entire entourage that he couldn't possibly be any happier.

It was true that his lips were permanently etched into a smile and that he was never hostile with anyone and so people just assumed that he wasn't sad.

Unfortunately, he was. He wasn't really interested in what he was doing day after day and had always detested all the attention. He hated seeing his face when he opened a magazine or reading gossip about himself in the tabloids. He hadn't chosen the lifestyle out of passion, but out of spite. After being discarded like a broken toy by the one person he cared about, he had jumped at the occasion of escaping the town soaked with the memories of the love he bore in his heart.

No one knew that his heart had broken and that it had never mended.

The other man appeared to be content as well.

He had shown up out of nowhere and demanded a job. He had emanated so much fire that all thought he was very passionate about his job as a fashion critic. He never spoke of where he came from, so everyone concluded that he must have liked it there in New York. He did excellent work and was always present for anyone who needed him, no one suspected him to be yearning for another life.

It was true that he stood tall and strong and never let doubt seep through his words and action, so the people at his office thought his inside corresponded to his outside.

Actually, his heart was filled with longing. Selfishly, he had decided to watch the one he loved shine from the sidelines. He attended all his fashion shows and secretly kept all the pictures he could find of him tucked away in one of his desk drawers in his work cubicle. Although the sight of him still lifted his spirits as when he was a child, he was also filled with regret at no longer being by his side. He still kept the ring he wanted to propose with on him at all times.

No one knew that he was constantly drowning in self-doubt.

That's why one of his closest co-worker s was very surprised when she had opened the bottom drawer of his desk one morning.

Having known him for an entire year now, she felt comfortable enough to go dig for an article she needed in his cubicle when he had arrived slightly late one Monday morning.

He was the stoic, yet temperamental guy at the office. There were no knick-knacks or reminders of home in his small workplace. Even though he was a little enigmatic, what with never revealing his name (he went as K. B.), he seemed like an average guy. So she hadn't expected to stumble upon anything that qualified as _weird_.

As she flipped through the hundreds of pictures in his desk drawer, she knew she had been wrong. Recognising the blond boy in the pictures as the young sensation that was sweeping the industry, she couldn't find a reason why they were in the office. It wasn't as if he had currently been working on a piece concerning this particular model, so there was no reason.

She recalled with unease that whenever he was mentioned in any of her co-worker's articles it was to be extremely praised and adored. Although he did tend to bash everyone else that was ever mentioned in his work.

When Kyle finally arrived, he found the other journalist still gaping at his bottom drawer. With two quick strides he slammed his drawer shut and glared at the shorter brunette.

At her questioning gaze he answered with a harsh "You wouldn't understand."

And so he went back to his work and she felt her heart sink at the remorse that had gripped his features.

Kenny McCormick lived a busy life. He rarely had free time, but it was better that way. He was no longer the poor boy, but he realised now the little value money truly had. He started sending most of his pay check home when he realised there was nothing he wanted; nothing that he could get with money anyway.

Contrary to what he had thought before starting his career, the lifestyle was very stressful. He switched time zones constantly, was surrounded with highly competitive individuals, was constantly criticized and treated as some kind of object that was on display for all to see. He had enough money now to go study in something that actually interested him and start over, but he didn't see the use in it. The person he considered his other half didn't seem to even deem him worthy of a goodbye. And so he went on with the charade as some sort of self-punishment.

However, things had started looking up in the last year.

It was stupid really. What was making him happy that is.

He couldn't remember ever getting a bad critic from the media. He found it ironic that the entire world seemed to adore him, except the one person that truly mattered…

He couldn't remember getting a bad critic. But he had been reading such, for a lack of a better word, touching articles concerning him and his career. Whoever it was that was writing seemed to know all the secrets to making the blond smile. His heart beat had picked up when he had noticed they were signed with the initials K.B.

It reminded him of Kyle and not in a painful way. He held on to all the articles and hung them in his small apartment. He pretended the author was Kyle and fell to sleep every night with a wishful smile on his face.

But he knew that was wrong. Trying to live in a lie. He had to come to term with the fact that he wasn't seeing the charming redhead again.

So when he came back from a photo-shoot in Australia, he didn't go to bed as he desperately wanted to. Instead, he made his way to the writing headquarters of a certain fashion magazine. He had thought of it for the entire plane ride and decided he could no longer put it off.

It wasn't particularly difficult to sneak in; everyone seemed to treat him as a God. He explained that he wanted to have a word with whoever K. B. was and a small brunette had popped up saying she worked right next to him. While taking the elevator with the short woman he tried to calm his thoughts.

'_This is it. After I tell this person to stop praising me, I can go back to a miserable life'_, he thought determinedly, wishing to stop tormenting himself with memories of a lively green eyed Jewish boy.

Stepping in front of him, the woman halted Kenny before he could go any deeper into the sea of cubicles.

"This might sound weird, but… Whatever it is you want to tell him, please be gentle. I think…" she stared at the taller blond in a very unsettling manner, "I think he's like in love with you."

The young man only raised his eyebrows and asked her to lead the way. Half-heartedly, she did.

Coming to a stop she called out to the man, "Hey Kay, there's someone here who wants to meet you."

Kenny stepped into Kyle's view just as he raised his eyes up to him.

Kyle fell off his chair.

Kenny practically shoved the woman out of the way as he made a beeline for Kyle.

Crouching down to his level, he looked into his horrified eyes.

Then, he grabbed both his cheeks, pulled him forward and kissed him as he had wanted for the past ten years of his life.

Both of them forgot that they were making out on the floor in the middle of a workplace and lost themselves in the kiss.

In the hushed moment that it took for them to look each other in the eyes, none of the people that had ever thought they had known how they felt mattered. Because Kenny had someone underneath him that understood him without trying and Kyle had someone on top of him that understood all of him without even asking.

As the serious moment passed, they both grinned as if they were still teenagers and four years hadn't passed.

"You look really good with glasses," the blonde murmured as he toyed with the younger boy's hair.

"You looked good in that dress the other night in that fashion show," he teased back jokingly.

They kept their gazes locked until the taller of the two couldn't stand it anymore and pulled Kyle in a long overdue embrace.

They picked themselves off the floor and Kyle glared at the brunette who had been watching with big eyes, urging her to leave them be.

As she departed he turned to the quiet boy and toyed with the ring in his right pocket.

Kenny kissed him a second time and while he did, the redhead slid the ring onto his left ring finger.

"Marry me," he demanded as he kissed him back urgently.

Kenny pulled back with a devilish smirk, "Let me quit my job first."

"Same," Kyle laughed heartedly.

No one would have thought they belonged together.

But that didn't really matter.

**Obviously, I don't own South Park.**


End file.
